I’m afraid to tell my ex-boyfriend that I’m moving to New York.
Oh, by the way, I’m moving to New York. Kind of.
I have an interview there in a few weeks that I’m flying out for. But regardless of whether or not I get the job, I’m still moving out there permanently by the end of May. “Out there” to me means “the east coast” but translates to “New York” when I tell people but is actually really Connecticut. I’m going to be staying with a friend for a time while I figure out job stuff and how I’m going to pay for an apartment in the city on a tiny salary.
Back to the ex.
He and I were in love and dated for forever and ever and all that sappy jazz. Things didn’t work out when he moved to the west coast after his college graduation. My college graduation was scheduled for a very long two years later. So we broke up and since then the few times a year I talk to him all I hear is lectures on how I need to leave the midwest and branch out on my own, etc. So now that I am, you’d think I’d be chopping at the bit to tell him.
Wrong.
The problem is that I don’t for sure have a job there yet. The problem is that I don’t have a place to call home when I get there, just a friend’s house where I get to pretend for a while. The problem is that I don’t have very much money and I’m kind of winging it. And he’ll ask questions, of course, questions that make me feel stupid even though I think I’m being brave and adventurous.
But uh! I do want to tell him. I want to say, “Oh you went west? Well fuck you ‘cause I’m going east and you should want me back” (even though I don’t want him back) “because I’m amazing.”
It’s a tangled web we weave.
Maybe I’ll just call him when I’m walking down Madison Avenue one lovely afternoon after I’m all settled and happy and tell him he was right, getting out of the midwest was a fabulous idea.
It will be fabulous, right?
6 Responses »